It’s a fact that children sometimes choose sides in a divorce. It is also a fact that parents sometimes say things about their co-parent to their children that they should have kept to themselves. While you can argue that such behavior is out of line, and lament that your child doesn’t see things your way, you likely accept that it happens and move on.
However, if that behavior continues and escalates, or if your child starts exhibiting extreme reactions to you, you may be experiencing parental alienation.
What Exactly Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a family dynamic that can emerge during a divorce in which a child becomes excessively hostile and rejecting of one parent. Parental alienation occurs when one parent influences a child to reject the other parent without justification. It does not apply to one-off situations; this process continues over time and generally on a consistent basis. It is an intentional act to harm the relationship between the parent and the child.
Examples of alienating acts can include:
- Rejection of the child’s expressions of love or affection to the other parent.
- Punishing a child, in some minor or significant way, who states good things about the other parent.
- Rewarding a child for negative statements about the other parent.
- Attempting to delay or deny contact between the child and the other parent.
This type of rejection can make it challenging for both parents to navigate the child custody process for multiple reasons. If you suspect this could be happening, discuss it with your child custody attorney.
What Are the Signs of Parental Alienation?
It is possible that the signs of parental alienation will be immediately apparent, but sometimes it happens gradually. Look for these warning signs of parental alienation:
Behaviors by Your Child
- Your child has all good opinions of your co-parent and only poor opinions of you.
- Your child becomes overly critical of you in unexpected (and numerous) ways.
- Your child refuses to come back home after time spent with the co-parent.
- Your child’s reasons for rejection are empty or may lack any detail.
- Your child repeats the same words or phrases over again (often indicative of hearing those statements from someone else).
- Your child asks the other parent to “rescue” them while in in your home.
- Your child exhibits open hostility toward you, your family members (including their siblings), and your friends.
- Your child exhibits fear or anxiety around you.
Behaviors by Your Co-Parent
- Your co-parent states they cannot force the child to go to your home.
- Your co-parent sends messages to the child during your custody time that seem to imply the child should return to the co-parent’s residence.
- Your co-parent tells you your child doesn’t like you or tells your child that you did not like the child.
- Your co-parent fabricates stories about you or lies about you to your child.
- Your co-parent fails to share critical information from doctors, teachers, coaches, or other adults in your child’s life, and expresses a desire to those adults to withhold information from you.
Is Parental Alienation Illegal in Kansas City?
There is no law in Missouri that specifically defines parental alienation as illegal. Missouri family law courts recognize its negative outcomes, however, and may use this information when deciding custody and parenting time issues.
Parental alienation is not illegal in Kansas, either – but interference with parental custody or aggravated interference with parental custody is illegal.
Is Parental Alienation Child Abuse?
The Missouri and Kansas statutes that define child abuse do not include references to parental alienation. However, in extreme cases, children may begin to believe that they are being abused by their parent, even when they are not.
Can You Lose Custody in Missouri for Parental Alienation?
It depends. A judge will consider evidence of parental alienation when making custody and parenting time orders in order to ensure that its orders align with the child’s best interests. The judge may appoint a guardian ad litem to represent a child in an a family law case in parental alienation may be affecting the children or the parent-child relationship.
How to Document Parental Alienation
As attorneys, we often caution our clients to document everything that may be relevant to their case. The more comprehensive your documentation is, the stronger your case may be. Consider these strategies:
- Create a log that outlines instances of what occurred and when; note whether the occurrence was personally observed or reported by someone else as well as any witnesses.
- Document messages from your child or co-parent that are indicative of alienation.
- Save social media posts that indicate or demonstrate alienation is occurring.
Avoid pressuring your child to confirm your suspicions of parental alienation.
What a Kansas City Family Law Attorney Can Do to Help
At Joseph, Hollander & Craft, our Kansas City family law attorneys provide a wealth of resources to clients on all aspects of child custody, child support, and divorce. We are fully aware of the complications that can arise during the dissolution of a marriage. Joseph, Hollander & Craft can:
- Offer guidance in regards to your rights and options related to child custody
- Provide you with support in defending allegations made against you
- Aid in showing the court the impact parental alienation has had on your relationship with your child
Contact Our Child Custody Attorneys in Kansas City Today
Child custody matters benefit from legal representation. Fill out our contact form now to speak to a family law attorney about your case at Joseph, Hollander & Craft. We offer services in Kansas City, Lawrence, Overland Park, Topeka, Wichita, and the surrounding areas.